"If you lead an ordinary life then you will only have ordinary stories"
"Some people never go crazy what truly horrible lives they must lead" Charles Bukowski
"In society 1 in 4 people have a mental health disorder, I ask people to celebrate their unique abilities they are gifts"
"Fools can go against the grain as it is there that we often find the truth, it's where the truth lies" (adapted from George Orwell)
"We laugh because it's funny and we laugh because it's true. They say the truth hurts, it is not popular it is rarely welcomed, but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is the only way to live free and without guilt"
"Being Bi-polar and manic is like living on the edge. Your adrenaline increases, your endorphins are released faster (and in bigger quantities), your muscles feel stronger, your cardio is better and best of all your brain is high functioning. It is like you are naturally high because of your condition. You start to access more informa
"Being Bi-polar and manic is like living on the edge. Your adrenaline increases, your endorphins are released faster (and in bigger quantities), your muscles feel stronger, your cardio is better and best of all your brain is high functioning. It is like you are naturally high because of your condition. You start to access more information from your brain’s memory banks and your state is semihypnotic. Your senses of smell and touch are heightened, you can hear from greater distances and music and literature become joyful experiences as if they’d been written just for you. Who wouldn’t want to feel like that?"
It is interesting to be a humourist when you’re the only one laughing, I am not trying to explain the joke nor persuade anyone that it’s funny. I have always played the fool as I feel, with laughter, people often lower their guard and allow a stronger connection and a more open mind.
I write with humour and commit my thoughts through the pencil and onto the page where it is expressed openly and honestly by my bi-polar brain.
Anyone is then welcome to pick these words up if it serves any purpose or is of any use. If they find it worthless to them then I have no feelings on that other than to wholeheartedly respect their opinion.
I have been on the planet for 50 years and lucky enough to have studied at University in my mid 20’s and again as a postgraduate in my 30’s. I believe we are all lifelong students but place common-sense above academic knowledge.
My world changed when I experience commuting into London, I had eluded the rat race until my late 20’s it was soul destroying to witness. Every face looked pained, every human aura prison grey, it was crystal clear to me that this existence was harmful to the human spirit. 70% of people are not happy in their employment, it was clear that 99% were not happy in their commute.
In the depths of the underground, the experience was like being in a perpetual Pink Floyd video. It felt like Frankie’s Farcical Inferno, a journey into the hell of commuting, my guide became The Commuter Times. My sanity saved by my imagination, turning the worst of experiences into stories and characters led by the worlds worse commuter Harrington Monkpiece.
From August 2010 my world changed forever and my misadventures of hyper manic episodes of a severely unwell undiagnosed man began. Unable to comprehend why the self-destruction was happening so fast that the world was crashing down behind me, not around me.
Fortunately, by September 2011, with the help of finally being sectioned under the mental health act, being diagnosed and medicated to help control my condition, and my acceptance of being bi-polar, I could then focus on the long hard road of recovery with the tools to rebuild my life but truly unsure of what my new life would look like.
I had lost everything financially, was living on £75 every 2 weeks all I knew was if I didn't put my mental health and well-being first, I could never lead a life without the chaos that some people have to get through every day of their lives. I am so thankful for the understanding and controlling of my condition keeps me safe from hyper manic episodes 95% of the time. Perfection, to my mind,
can occur in creative expression, in love, and our caring for each other but our mental health is fragile.
By June 2012 I was training for a charity walk from John O Groats to Lands' End for The Forgiveness Project an amazing charity delivering projects that reduce re-offending rates by up to 70% which is phenomenal work.
Back then our economy was on the verge of re-entering a recession and austerity measures were destroying health services especially mental health care, counselling, and recovery care. Being labelled ex-offender and mental health survivor rarely puts you on the shortlist for job interviews, headhunters are not looking for these traits on a CV.
I had a choice to give up or use my past career and skills and recent experiences of prison and mental health recovery to help organisations that help people recover with purpose and dignity. It felt like a valuable thing to do, help ex-offenders focus on a positive future not dwell in a negative past while informing the sector on our severe lack of rehabilitation.
The entire population of the western world has suffered the hardest year in living memory from March 2020 to March 2021, punished equally by COVID.
Our way of life has been fuelled by anxiety, loss, and fear, and from April 2021 onwards will never return to normality as we once knew it. I take heart from the experience that in severe tests in life gift us with enlightening life lessons. The toughest experience in my life has re-energised my focus, perspective, and thinking, it is no longer about me, it's about us, I am no longer the selfish centre of the universe,
I strive to be selfless putting others before me where I can and to try to help people when I am asked. Religions may say this was an epiphany. Alcoholics can refer to it as "A Moment of Clarity" Scientists refer to a "light bulb moment"
I am not a conformist; I am not a socialist and I am certainly not a capitalist. I have wasted far too much time in police cells, been productive in prisons, and subscribed to treatment in mental hospitals. I have taken drink and drugs to excess both illegal and pharmaceuticals, but I am not an addict to any particular substance or liquid. I do not promote taking drugs to anyone, but If asked I can express an opinion based on personal experience.
I have an extrovert personality and an excessive nature alongside a boredom threshold that leaves excess before irrefutable damage is inflicted to find something new no matter what is consumed or exercise routine, sport, or pastime I focus my attention on.
The only constant that has been with me for the last 40 years is writing and even then, it follows no real pattern, it is fluid like my bipolar condition, as is life for everyone. Full of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, with moments of pure joy and elation when in the flow of writing followed by equal torture of a blank page.
In terms of belonging, my sense of self is not aligned to an atypical persona, no style of living, no membership of a group, gang, tribe nor socio-economic group, I am for the most part non-descript, a cuckoo that ticks some boxes but is usually a round peg in a square hole. I can tell you that I am fascinated by differing points of view, value opinions, and seek the company of those wiser and older than me.
I understand the need for law and order but am guilty of ignoring it on occasion even when in good mental health. I am interested in Psychology, intrigued by the strength and power of the mind and by the dangers of the weak-minded and their programmed bigotry and spoon-fed beliefs that they are largely unconscious of. When this boils over it can manifest in physical and mental abuse through uncontrollable bias, and I feel equally sad and sorry for the recipient and the perpetrator, as to my mind they are both victims.
I have a societal IQ of minus 10 at least and unable to do what comes naturally to most people in their behaviour and beliefs. With effective communication, expressive perception, and an expansive vocabulary I challenge those who pressure others to conform to their logic and influence, I always respect a person's opinion but my resistance to comply is relentless.
I was guilty of conforming (before my re-birth) but never truly compliant, biting my tongue until I bled to death over and over, time after time. Behaving as people would expect me to, to please people, to make people feel comfortable, and all the while thinking that something was not quite right but resigned to the fact that it must be me at fault. Now I am learning what to me is the most important life journey, to simply be myself.